i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
