I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
