I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
