he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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