just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
