I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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