Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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