His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
