glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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