saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
