You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
