Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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