i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
