Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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