Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
