Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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