I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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