You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
