Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
