eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
