there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
