theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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