I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize