Moan for me like Helen Keller
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
