this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
