Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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