I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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