im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
