The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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