EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
