dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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