Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
