I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
