my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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