my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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