im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am spending my child support on dildos
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i believe in u and ur pee
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