I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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