today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
