i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
