U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
not ubering you a puppy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
