drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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