Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize