I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
