Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
