OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
