**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I enjoy the company of your penis
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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