I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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