Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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