I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
