Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He? As in you personified your dick?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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