You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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