He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
