I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
