I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
