anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize