I am puke
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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