so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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