took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
