Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize