she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
