Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
