Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
