your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
