Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
