Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
