You're my little dorito
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
