No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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