Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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