He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
