Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
