she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize