she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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