yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
