She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
