My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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