I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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