Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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