I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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